I'm not skinny, I haven't seen my ribs since I was about 12. And so far all my life I have felt less then perfect. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, I have never been satisfied with my physical appearance. Then when I don't try, it just get down right vulgar. The way i see myself that is.
In middle school I thought I was fat. Now when I look at pictures, I see I was so thin. All the popular girls were already developing curves that I didnt have, beats me why I thought I was fat. In high school, is when I lost the size 2 and jump strait into a 7 ,then a 10 then before I knew it I was a 16. Yet I was very active, I was in pep squad, tennis team and the color guard, not to mention everyday after school we would play on the trampoline. So why was I this size? After high school I dropped 5 sizes and its kind of been up and down ever since. Right now I'm on the up. Now that I'm married I wish nothing more then to look and feel great, not only for myself but also for my husband. Yet, since we got married I've only managed to gain weight. I have struggled to look in the mirror sometimes because its not the woman I see in my head. After gaining so much weight I finally went to the doctor. Turns out I "have" subclinical hypothyroidism, that just means its not full blown. While I hear what the doctor is saying and how it's factual because its evident in my blood, I know truth. Truth is God can and is healing me, and of course with me taking action and doing my part to be healthier as well. But it finally hit me, it took me getting diagnosed to realize this is me! I might never wear a 2 or 4, I might always have cellulite and big arms. I have come to realize that I am perfect. Health and physicality always has room for improvement and I will always fight to better my health and stay in shape. But I see now that my biggest problem is not my thighs, its my mind. I must exercise my mind into a more positive driving force.
So, I have accepted this is my shape! I have my moms arms, my grandmas knees, my aunts wide hips, a fluctuating waist line and a big o'booty! Yes this is me and I'm going to love me. I'm turning around all that negative energy and making it positive. I've noticed that the more I fall in love with me, the more I take care of me. So I have now excepted its not about being skinny, being thick or full figured. Its about being in love with how God made me and making sure I take care of the body that he gave me. God loves us all the same no matter our size. He created us each as a masterpiece and now that I think about it, being unhappy with my looks is like telling God his craftsmanship is not good enough for me. and that cant be, after all he did make this beautiful world we live in with those very same hands. Its all just his work of art.
funny thing is my husband likes a thicker woman, so really God planned ahead for me! All this time Ive been hating on my self, when God made me this way to be loved and I am truly blessed to have such a loving man at my side.
So I am learning, to always force myself to be positive when I look in the mirror. To not put down Gods work of art, instead add to it, take what God gave me and make it my own!
Make up, hair styles, working out, eating right, do what you enjoy and what ever makes you feel good, so you can enjoy being you! Don't compare yourself to anyone, just be the best you you can be because your one of a kind! When I finally realized this, it was a great weight off my shoulder.
I hope my story can inspire someone, to take a second look and see your wonderful, God given potential. ❤ God bless!
Psalm 139:13-14
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
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